Monday, July 21, 2008

Even as an adult I struggle with my place in the world. Last week I was working through the difference between wanting to be included and wanting not to be excluded.

I've written before I work with a bunch of guys, which for the most part doesn't bother me. A lot of times I get along with guys better than women anyway. I took my current position six and a half years ago, was hired by the project manager to design surveys for various clients around the bureau. Since then a lot of people have come and gone, even the project manager retired and I'm still here; I have the most tenure. Currently there is a branch chief and six of us on staff, three guys having been here only several months. Oh, and another new guy is starting soon, too.

I don't mind the guys, their jokes, their chatter. But I've noticed recently four of them have been going out a lot together for lunches, and not just eating their sack lunches together somewhere on campus. They discuss, loudly I might add, whether to go here or there for lunch. I'm feeling very left out. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I don't want to be left out. I even tell myself I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with them and not to let it bother me, but I can't help feeling like the kid in school who is always forgotten.

Last Friday, they trot off to lunch and I feel excluded. Today I joke with Phil about where the new guy is going to sit and that Mo hasn't been here long enough to rate a window. And the guys pick on me right back. It was great.


iamnot said...

I know the feeling. In spite of joining in for every birthday/baby/going away celebration in my department, I've never so much as had my birthday acknowledged in 9 years now.
I seem to be getting along...I know I'm not Mr. Personality, but I'm courteous, professional and considerate. love.
Oh well, I come here for the paycheck anyway.

Maddy said...

At least that's something I don't have to worry about [slacker that I am] I do kind of envy the rapport though.